In the Lunchroom
by Trimatter
Summary: What do the Ranma cast talk about between doing stories? Read and find out.


**Please Note: **This story is not intended to attack or single out or belittle anyone's work or stories. This is just a reflection of what I feel has been a growing trend in fan-ficition over the last year or so. This is intended to be a humorous commentary on that trend, but please don't take it too seriously. If you are offended by this, then I apologize in advance, for it is never my intension to insult or offend anyone. However...

... If you are offended by this, then you either have no sense of humor or are one of the guilty authors whose works I'm currently mocking.

I don't own any of these characters or situations. They belong to someone else. Also this is done purely for fun, not profit. Any resemblance to persons living, dead, yet to be born, or visiting from other dimensions is purely coincidental. I'm doing this for fun.

Constructive criticism is always welcome.

How this came about:

On there was a thread titled "Over the top Akane,Nabiki,Genma, Happosai, etc.. " (view here: where many interesting things were discussed and pointed out. There is always an interesting discussions going on that fires up the old brain cells. After that... well, the results were this.

Warning: Everyone is Out-of-Character... in a fun way. I hope.

Important note: This has not been pre-read by anyone. All my mistakes belong to us.

Another important note: Yes, this could be considered spam.

Still another important note: None really, I just didn't want to break the rhythm.

Boldly going where others had gone before and meekly going where few have been.

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In the Lunchroom...

... between stories.

The room was large and crowded. The clattering of glasses, eating utensils, and plates added to the din as hundreds of people were talking at the same time. The sounds melded together to form a indecipherable roar. Various characters from everywhere were taking a break from a hard day of performing in fanfictions.

In one corner, Captain Kirk was shaking his head after one too many aliens with incompatible biologies fell in love with him for no reason. He shuttered at the memory of the lemon scene with the giant caterpillar-like thing. In another corner, Scully and Mulder were recovering from the umpteenth alien anal probe they received from their last outing. And yet in another part of the room, Inuyasha was sitting with his head resting on the table top, snoring softly as he slept off the exhaustion of fighting yet another 'demon from something or other'.

Towards the middle of the vast dining room a pigtailed boy sat, digging into the meal he had just purchased. A short-haired girl approached the table with a wide, warm smile.

"Hi Ranma, do you mind if I sit next to you?" she asked.

Ranma looked up from his meal and smiled at Akane, who was holding her own lunch. "Not at all," he said as he motioned for her to sit. "You know, we've known each other long enough that you don't have to ask anymore."

Akane smiled widely and shrugged her shoulders as she sat comfortably close to Ranma. "I know, but it's more of a formality now. Besides I like the invitation."

Ranma continued to smile as he nodded absently in agreement. "Yeah, say - have you looked at the next fic we're doing yet?"

Akane's expression immediately soured. Ranma became alarmed and put a comforting arm around his fiancee. "Is it," he paused to swallow hard, "bad?"

"Yes it's bad," Akane said forlornly as she picked at her food. "I'm playing a 'spoiled, brat, princess' - again! I swear whoever writing this stuff has never even read the manga. I mean, how can they write something like this," she opened her schoolbag and retrieved a manuscript from it and tossed it on the table, "without even looking at the source material?"

Ranma sighed as he picked up the manuscript. "I almost afraid to see what the writer has in store for me..."

Akane shook her head sadly as Ranma thumbed through the pages. During this moment, they were joined by several other members of the cast: Nabiki, Kasumi, Ryoga and Genma.

"I see that you looking at the next fic," Nabiki commented as she took a bite of her rice ball. "What do you think?"

"I think I'd give this guy a serious beat down if I could," Ranma answered darkly as he skimmed the pages.

"I haven't seen it," Ryoga piped up through a mouthful of food. "What's it this time?"

Ranma sighed heavily. "It's the same old shit that's been going on for quite some time now." Everyone at the table groaned as Ranma continued. "First, they got poor Akane here as a 'spoiled, violent, brat' that has no redeeming qualities-," Ranma said as he leafed through the pages.

"Forgetting all the times that I helped you," Akane interjected, feeling the need to defend herself.

Ranma nodded in agreement. "Yeah, they forget you risked your neck for me - at least twice - during Saffron story; that's not to mention all the other times you helped me. Sigh They have poor Ryoga here as an 'honorless bastard who is hell bent on revenge for petty reasons' -."

Ryoga loudly crushed his empty can of Pocari Sweat that he was holding. "Dammit! Again!" He roared. "What is the matter with these writer's these days? I've always ended up helping you when the chips were down. Don't they know I'm not like that?"

"Sorry old friend," Ranma said sincerely, looking up from the manuscript. "It's like with Akane here, they take your bad traits and magnify them to outrageous proportions all the while downplaying or completely ignoring any good traits."

"I know I'm not prefect. I know I can be pretty petty. Like during the whole armor from the Monkey Mountain Temple thing," Akane lamented to no one in particular. "But still-"

"Hush," Ranma gently interrupted Akane while patting her hand. "Everyone has their faults. Remember how I acted during the Reversal Jewel? For the most part, I have the opposite problem that you and Ryoga have. These writers seem to forget how petty I can be and only focus on only my good traits."

"Don't they know that just makes the characters one dimensional?" Kasumi asked openly. "I mean, look what many writers have done to me. I'm either made out to be a goddess and the answer to everyone's prayers or some brainless idiot who only does housework and says 'Oh my' all of the time. I'm not stupid - I mean, I read medical books for fun. Why do writers do that?"

Ranma sighed as he shook his head. "I don't know."

"Because it is much easier to deal with a one or two dimensional characters than it is to take the time and care to actually flesh them out," Genma said sagely while folding his arms. "By simplifying the characters in the story, ignoring and bypassing any character development, many writers hope to get to the part of the tale they want to tell."

Everyone seated at the table stared at Genma with surprise clearly in their eyes. The looks didn't escape Genma's notice. "Hey! Since the end of the manga, I've been taking some courses at the local college," he explained. "I've got to do something to get me out of the house (and away from Nodoka). I'm not completely stupid you know, in spite of what people write."

Ranma made a noncommittal grunt and took another bite of his meal.

"Can't these writers see that this just makes the people in their stories unrealistic or in the very least, boring?" Kasumi asked of every one. "I mean, if the readers don't know where the characters are coming from, wouldn't it make it harder to... to..."

"Empathize?" Genma suggested.

"Yes, thank you," Kasumi said before continuing. "Empathize with the character?"

"True," Nabiki agreed. "But developing characters is hard work. Look how many stories that are out there where Ranma and another character fall in love with each other simply because they talked and listened to one another - once."

"Yeah... I've had enough of those 'I fall in love with someone who bothers to listen to me once' stories," Ranma said sourly. "I mean, there's no way in hell I'm falling for someone I don't really know that quickly - I don't care if it is Akane, Kasumi, Uyko or anyone else for that matter. It just doesn't happen that fast."

The silence that fell around the table seem to block the noise of the room that surrounded the little group.

"You know what else I noticed?" Ranma said, breaking the mood. "Have any of you notice that all the good guys in a lot of these stories are flawless and powerful to the point of being god-like?"

"Or the bad guys are not quite as powerful and have no redeeming qualities," Ryoga added darkly.

The others blink-blinked at the two boys. "You mean to tell me that you two just noticed that?" Nabiki asked incredulously.

The two boys looked at each other, then others around them, then back at each other. Both shrugged their shoulders and turn their attention to taking a bite of food.

"Well anyway, back to this fanfic - how do I come out this time?" Nabiki asked in an almost knowing way.

"Like a rose," Ranma snorted. "Get this: Your the bread winner for the family - again. You're self sacrificing and using all the money that you get to support the household."

Nabiki smiled.

"I don't get it," Akane objected. "All Nabiki did during the manga was to make money for herself and make Ranma's life more difficult with her money grubbing ways. Now she gets cast in a better light than me! How'd that happen!"

Nabiki smirked. "After the end of the manga, I got hold of a better PR man than you did sis," she answered. "All he did was commission a few positive stories on me, made it fanon, and the rest took care of itself."

Genma nodded in understanding. "A wise move Nabiki. Since many of these writers probably haven't read much of the manga, they are relying on other people's works to describe their characters. This is how stereotyping occurs and is propagated. This eventually becomes fanon that people take to be true, even when it is clearly not."

Genma's word garnered more surprised looks from the other cast members. "What?" he asked irritably of the others.

After a moment, Akane spoke up. "Can I hire your PR man?"

"Be my guest," Nabiki answered with a smirk. "But at this stage of the game, it'll probably take a while for anything positive to happen."

"I don't care," Akane said sourly and emotionally. "As long as I'm eventually shown as being half-way canon, I'll be happy."

Silence fell around the table. Ranma noticed that Akane looked as if she were about to cry. "Hey," Ranma said softly while patting and rubbing Akane's back in a comforting way. "It's all right. After this, I'll take you on another date, just like last time; it'll make you feel better. Okay?"

Akane smiled thinly and nodded. Ranma gave her a brief, but sincere hug.

"What about you?" Ryoga asked Ranma. "How are you this time?"

"Yeah," Nabiki said. "Are you clueless, resentful, vengeful, or godlike this time?"

"Or all of the above,"Kasumi added.

Ranma thumbed through the papers and paused when he was about a third of the way through. After skimming over several other pages, Ranma sighed heavily. "Great," he said depressingly.

"What?" Kasumi asked, looking up from the medical journal she had just fished out of her book-bag.

"It's another one of those: I'm clueless and lost on how to fix the fiancee dilemma and have a growing frustration with the situation which is causing me to have violent thoughts... Lets see... I sneeze and Akane mallets me... My psycho, sword wielding mother with an unhealthy fixation on manliness suddenly - and without explanation - becomes a loving saint and steps in to solve all my problems..."

"Again!"

"She must have a better PR man than I do-"

"Oh my," Kasumi added - very, very sarcastically.

"I'll probably be a panda for most of the fic," complained Genma as he rubbed his temples.

"Yeah, you are pops," Ranma commented after checking a few more pages. "Anyway, I get malleted into the river - again, and I meet... Oh man, it gets even worse. Do you know who I get paired up with this time?"

The others at the table blinked at Ranma. "W-who?" Akane asked fearfully.

Ranma nodded in the direction of a girl, of about sixteen, walking up to the table. She was about five feet, wearing a white button down shirt with lace around the collar. In one hand she was carrying a quarter staff and the other a lunch tray. She had long auburn hair, braided in a elaborate style, penetrating green eyes and was just too cute to look at.

Around the newcomers shoulders rested an animal of indeterminate origins. The little beast had four legs, a long body, and two small wings protruding on it's back. It was very much alive and looked at the seated Ranma cast members with curious eyes.

The young girl moved with a perky step right up to the table.

"Hi everybody," she greeted cheerfully. "I'm Mary Sue. Can I sit here? I'm real excited to be working with all of you."

Silence fell around the table.

"We can hope she dies a wonderful death," Ryoga quietly commented as he and the rest of the cast wilted in their seats.

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I know, I'm gonna be so flamed.

As far is who is Mary Sue, Google "Mary Sue" and you will find some web sites that explain it nicely.


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